No news is no news (which is a bit shit)

I came into this process knowing that it would be long, and difficult, and that we would face some significant obstacles. I thought that two of the main obstacles would be sourcing sperm (actually wasn't particularly difficult for us at all), and then, once the sperm was sourced and we started trying, actually falling pregnant (TBD). The most difficult part so far, however, has squeezed itself in between difficulty a and difficulty b. We have the sperm! (not, like, in our home, it's a few kilometres away, in a freezer). After three months-that-felt-like-years of quarantine in a different part of the country, we've had it for over a month. We have decided which of us the sperms will go into first!

So, you've started trying, right?

No. We haven't.

So, like, this month then?

Nope.

Uhh, next month?

We've been advised against it.

So, like, June? So you could have gone on your dream trip to Europe after all? The trip that you cancelled after they told you that you needed to start trying 'ASAP' due to Linda's low AMH? What the heck is the hold up?

Why, reader, these are great questions. You have been paying an impressive amount of attention to our wee journey.

Here's the thing: we're paying Fertility Associates a lot (A LOT, YOU GUYS) of money and in exchange for that money they are going to help us make a baby. And boy, do they want to be sure that we get a baby for that money. Like, if there's even a chance that one month might have slightly reduced odds of conception, they just won't take our money and refuse to go ahead with insemination. This happened to us in March, and again in April. They also want Linda to get a test before they start that needs to happen an entire month before the ovulation cycle that we plan to use for pregnancy BUT Linda can't get an appointment for that test until after her April ovulation which would count out our May ovulation (lol, "our" ovulation, that's not a thing Molly) and push us back until June. June!

On the one hand, I'm super impressed that they don't just take the money I am pretty much throwing at them at this point while screaming "I don't care if it doesn't work can we just fucking start already jesus christ". They could have had three months' worth of failed-pregnancy-attempts dollars in their well-lined pockets at this point, but they don't. They keep telling us no, wait, not this time, not this cycle, you should get this test first, you should sit this one out. On the other hand, I'm about ready to break into their stupid freezer and steal our sperm and set about doing it home-style because not even being allowed to start trying is by far the most frustrating and stressful part of this whole thing so far. It feels so unfair that hettie couples are out there banging fruitlessly and at least feeling like they're doing something while we sit here and stare at the Clue app watching ovulation after ovulation slip past while our sperm lies in wait. It feels like other people are making decisions about our bodies above and beyond what we've asked them to. It feels like we've been benched when we haven't even had a chance to try out.

And so we sit, clutching the fancy prenatal vitamins we bought off the internet, waiting for the "perfect" month to start trying. A month with no surgeries, no weekends out of the city, a month where Linda will be able to get uninterrupted daily blood tests so that we can time everything to the minute to give us the best chance at success.

Send us your patient thoughts, friends. We're going to need them.